Horrible people see people as horrible.

Who are we?

A question that has plagued mankind from as long as we can remember. How exactly do we define ourselves? If we define ourselves based on our experiences, then what happens when we lose our memories? If we define ourselves simply physically, genetically for example, then what about our families, and what of cloning?

One very controversial thing we do is that we identify people with their behaviors.

If one in my group of friends does something really stupid, we call him stupid. Of course, he's our friend, so he'll just tell us to jump off of a bridge (in not so many polite words). Is that really apt, though? I think something we must force ourselves to do is separate the offender's action from their identity. If someone is defined in our minds by the actions they do, then how can they ever change?

A very wise friend of mine (who, unfortunately, I've since lost touch with) gave me advice once. She said that I do not allow someone to change, if don't make room for them to change, then how could I possibly expect them to change? Her advice was to stop expecting the same crap from that person. If I expect something, then any attempt made by the other person to change is trivialized by it. If it occurs, I would be less likely to believe it; I'd remain suspicious even if I did somehow manage to accept it.

With this idea in mind, we would greatly benefit from separating people from their actions. We'd allow each other more room for change. Now, I'm not saying that telling someone "You're acting stupid" instead of "You are stupid" is going to make all the difference, though it may to many people. What's more important is the way that we think of it. Language is an attempt to convey ideas, and if our ideas are properly conveyed, then the language can be de-emphasized. On the other hand, if we force ourselves to make a distinction in our language, then maybe it'll be easier to remember the distinction in our thoughts.

Along these lines, if we separate the transgression from the transgressor, then perhaps it would be easier to forgive them and allow them to change or usher them towards that change with support. Before we start going through our prisons, though, let's try to see if we can make this happen in our own everyday lives.

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Another sort of "side-effect" of this line of thought is that we become more than what we think we are. We very often limit ourselves by our relations. Thoughts such as:

"I am a carpenter."
"I am a son."
"I am a cousin."
"I am a Christian."
"I am a lawyer."

So on, ad infinitum, ad nauseum. What we fail to see is that who we are is only limited by what we do. If you are a carpenter, and you break your hands and you can't work, are you still a carpenter? This is something of a source of depression for many people, especially those in the working class who happily identify themselves by what they do.

We are not just the performers of our occupations, the actor of our actions. We are capable of much more than that. We should not limit ourselves to just how we are related to different people and ideas and actions. The truth is, even the sum of all of those relations does not add up to who we are. This is because much of what makes us who we are is beyond describable relations. Perhaps, in time, we can understand that, and that we may become better for it.