Changing yourself

Instead of a Wednesday post and a Friday post, I'm offering two Friday posts. It's been a hell of a week.

A post or two ago, I mentioned that it's important to realize that as humans, we must remove our minds from the mercy of our thoughts. So how do we go about doing that? Personally, I'm a utilitarian in many ways. I find that with enough repetition, patterns become ingrained so well that we don't even realize what happens. Think of how people develop weird behaviors like nail-biting and knuckle-cracking, or if you study psychology, you can look into theories as to why people develop eating disorders. Another, albeit extreme example would be people who suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder. Whether habits are the cause of repetition, the byproduct, or neither, the fact is they're highly correlated.

Toss some repetition in your life. Every time that you see a "bad" thought, stop yourself and replace it with a "good" one. Sort of like the "kick one, pick one" initiative seen on Nick at Nite. Pretty soon, you'll be wondering why you've become so optimistic, and you'll have forgotten all about the process of stopping yourself.

The problem I see is that a lot of people don't realize what exactly they're doing. They don't see their habits as habits, they act without thinking about what they're doing, and so their action is an automated response to something. Inserting this kind of repetition of a "checks-and-balances" thought is going to take a lot of work in this instance. A person like this needs to get in the habit of actually seeing what the undesired behavior is and catching it, then they have to learn to catch it before it happens, then they have to insert that layer of thought or will. Only then can they actually remind themselves to change things.

Changing yourself can be a lot of work, to say the least. Now think of your life, think of how many automated responses you want to change, how many you're aware of and how many you're just told about, and how many you actually think about. If you're thinking about how bleak this is already, then you're in for a surprise.

There are a lot of studies on studying. One suggested method of learning is constantly switching the subject after a period, and reviewing material in a time frame where that knowledge is still fresh. Apply this sort of approach to changing yourself and you're well on your way. Simply work on a few things you want to change at a time (though not all of them), and work on them as you remember them, or as they come up. A lot of it is subconscious (or unconscious), and simply bridging that to your conscious self by actively seeing and thinking can have a tremendous change.

Another suggestion is making a list. People have been making lists since antiquity. Even 3000 years ago (Vedic Samhitas), lists were the predominant method of remembering stuff. Keep the most important things first and last in line, so they're easily recalled, and you're all set!

The workload is cut tremendously. Not seeming so bleak now, is it? In my life, I've seen so many people upset by "life" and they don't take the time to figure out why. Most of them don't have the luxury to pay a psychiatrist for drugs so that they can "balance out" before they ditch therapy and the problem arises elsewhere. They just self-medicate, or more prominently, complain and do nothing.

Religion can be nice, because it gives you something to blame, or a reason for why it happens. I'll be honest, the whole "God's plan" idea totally is a cop out to me, even though I do believe in some form of "God," as well as the idea that I can't always see the result of an action until much later. Getting back to the point, I suppose that it works for some people because they're so out of touch with themselves that they need something to give them even a crappy reason for things happening. They can then accept it and try to move on or do something about it from there. It seems more of an indirect approach. And then, some people become so attached to their religion that strict interpretations of scripture may cause more damage than good. I hate to point to the scapegoat, but look at the Great Inquisition.

Really, I feel that the best way about it is to sit and detach. Look at things objectively. It's hard for some people to realize that the world does not revolve around them (we as a species still don't realize that the world doesn't revolve around humanity) and so this becomes an obstacle instead of a solution. But, if you do realize that you're not the only human being in the world, then you may be able to take a step back and look at what's going on in your life from the perspective of another human being. You may be able to try to see the series of problems in your life. You're unhappy? Why? Because you hate your job? Why? Because your boss is a horrible human being?

It's really stereotypical to think of your therapist as the person who just asks "Why?" It's also true to an extent. One may then reason that if you can sit down and do it yourself, and not get attached to your response, you may not need a therapist, though there's nothing wrong with needing one. I just think that self-sufficiency in some things is a goal worth having. It may be a long-term goal, and you may need your therapist to get there, but it's not totally unreasonable. Make it a habit to ask yourself "Why?" and answer properly, and then you may find that your thoughts can, in fact, work for you.

I realize this post was not much more than rambling between a few ideas. I hope that as I continue this blog, I may be able to write more clearly, concisely, and stay on topic. Although, I find that some of my best realizations come by serendipitously.