Suspension of disbelief

While at a play recently, a friend of mine pointed out to me a few things which he said didn't suspend his disbelief. In most artistic media, suspension of disbelief is important it either proves that things are real, or makes them seem as though they are possible. It makes stories more compelling because we get more enravelled in them; we learn to accept the stories' worlds as our own, which makes identifying with the characters easier.

Nowadays, however, it is very difficult to suspend disbelief. Many of us know so much trivial information that it sort of ruins our acceptance of a story if it includes something which contradicts those facts. In addition, things are always so focused on being as accurate and detailed as possible that we can't help but build up this mental database of trivia. And, on the most part, it's not entirely a bad thing to know a lot of different things. We value things are are depicted very accurately, and rightly so. This clears up a lot of biases that people have towards things, which can be a great boon.

In the realm of artistic expression, however, this isn't entirely helpful. In order to make things very believable, to suspend the belief of the audience, the artist has to really do his homework. I mean that he has to research in depth all aspects of his creation and reflect all of this in his work. That's not to say that it's a bad thing, but putting so much work into a secondary aspect of a project really does detract from the primary purpose of one's creation.

My friends and I are the type of people to go into a sci-fi movie and whisper to each other about how certain things aren'y physically possible, or about how things aren't accurately portrayed on-screen. I have gone to some historically fictive films and made a list of things that were historically inaccurate. Then I've separated those inaccuracies based on whether they were essential to the plot or not. I may be a geek - and a proud one, I might add - but I know that I am nowhere near alone in noting these types of discrepencies, though I will admit I'm one of the few to actually jot them down. I feel like this is a product of our well-educated and information-ready society.

Think, if you will, to about thirty-five years ago. A pleothora of horrible horror movies existed which were much more effective than today's, despite today's flicks having much nicer computer-generated graphics and more realistic make-up and stuff. As great as the original Star Wars movies are, I still turn away from the horribly choreographed sword-fights. On the other hand, I just saw the second Transformers movie. It was a ridiculously bad movie, but the graphics were beautiful and worth seeing. Again, I know that I am not alone in this regard.

Regardless, the times, they are a-changin'! The damage is done, and so now, we can only hope to move forwards. I realize that not every movie or television series can be as accurate and intense as Eureka or Battlestar Galactica. But, hey, Lost tries, and despite its occasional fact-bending, it's not so bad overall, not to mention that it's a great series.

Yes, I may be to blame for my lack of tolerance of incorrect facts and inconsistencies, but I'm sure that the number of people who agree with me are growing. And really, is it so hard to get things that right? But at the same time, I definitely think we need to learn to look past this kind of stuff a little more, so that we can appreciate something for its message while artistic media tries to catch up with our demand for high quality. I can definitely appreciate the fact that it gets very tedious and annoying, and requires quite a lot of work, but it's worth the effort in order to have a much more convincing world in place. The more convincing the picture, the more likely we are to see the artist's message without getting distracted.

Unless, of course, the point is the distraction itself.

From the (g)olden age to the information age

I try not to get too personal here, but some interesting things have happened that may make me cross that line a bit. This primarily concerns children of immigrants or those who have large elements of other cultures, but it's also food for thought for everyone. Bear with me, this is going someplace.

My grandmother lives with us. She's a dear and all, but she can be very annoying at times. She's my dad's mother, and so you always have that "mother-in-law" tension going on, but being here for 25+ years does a lot to ease that. When she's not criticizing in a "subtle" way, she's usually nitpicking at other things, but I feel that that's some leftover idiosyncrasy from her family life. Today, she was in a good mood, so I knew good conversation was coming forth. Normally, she talks about religious topics; folk stories and deeper religious stuff comes naturally for her. Sort of ironically, she's the most religiously liberal person I know.

Today, however, she decided to talk to us (my brother was present, too) about her childhood and her experiences. From where she was and how she grew up to where I am and how I've grown up, there have been tons and tonnes of changes. My grandmother told us stories of how she grew up in a village, how she could walk between two or three villages easily, with no worries about safety, about how she moved to Mumbai and picked up on some Marathi, about how her parents were and what was important to them.

As first-generation American-born kids, we have a lot of responsibility. Inevitably, the culture that's handed down to us will dissipate and fade over a few generations. Language usually goes first, and food goes last (or so I've found, while for me it's the opposite). Why is the preservation of this culture so important?

The way I see it, we learn very often through experience, but we also learn important lessons through the experiences of others. We learn not only how to act, think, and feel, but also how to be through what we learn from the experiences of others. If you have access to a wealth of experience from someone else in a drastically different place and time, why would you not use that? Of course, repeating "In my day, we had to..." as if it's some holy mantra doesn't really help the cause, but when you can show your kids, who are growing up with really nice plumbing and the internet what it was like to have to pump your own water and walk for miles just to get to school, you can show them that there's nothing wrong with hard work. Being smart isn't the only thing in the world, and there are plenty of people who don't luck out and have to work hard to make ends meet. Most importantly, just because you happen to be smarter, or work harder, it doesn't mean they don't deserve your respect.

There are important things worth keeping. Because of my background, I had an easier time identifying with and learning to work with certain ideas. Some of this was because of the remnants of clan culture that were passed on down, but a lot of it was independent of what my parents and grandparents taught me. There's even a handful which they consider completely rebellious. But, I found a lot of value in what I've learned. I want my kids to share that.

Actually, no I don't. My kids, and everyone else's, will be their own people. I can only try to give them what I have and hope they can use it. They will have their own dreams and hopes, beliefs and rebellious ideas. All I can do is provide what I value, in hopes that they will use it if they need it. I really think this is something that people in general forget. You don't have kids to make them something; kids are there to become something of their own.

And, while we have an easy way to find what we need, language doesn't quite work the same way. In my grandmother's time, and up to my parents time, you could easily tell where someone was from based on how they spoke. It's true of a lot of places today, too, but it's different when more than half of the active vocabulary in a language becomes borrowed English words. Gujarati now is degenerating rapidly, and indeed, so are many of the world's languages. It's not just English that's "taking over" either.

My grandmother's brand of Gujarati is very different from others'. Her dialect is one small way she identifies herself. We all have a need to identify ourselves and find belonging (consult Maslow if you're doubtful about that), and for many, familial/ancestral idiosyncrasies really help. More often than not, we mix and match those with our own ideas.

And this all will eventually fade. But, while we can, we're responsible to keep it going. Not in some trivial way. I hated being criticized for not being "a real Indian" because I ate meat (Hindus have a long history of eating all sorts of meat), or speaking imperfectly (everyone actively makes mistakes in speech in all languages). Just because I don't value what they, or they don't value what I do (you wouldn't believe how many of them don't know the first thing about actual Hinduism or Indian history), or I don't value it for the same reasons, I get criticized. The big picture is what's important here. What's important is that I find some sort of identity, and for my own purposes. We'd do well, all of us, to keep this kind of stuff in mind.

So, while I may be very annoyed at my grandmother for her nitpicky habits, I really love the times when we connect over important issues. I don't think I can properly explain what the internet is to her, or how the times have changed between mine and hers, but it's enough to know the difference and smile eagerly when she's telling me stories. Appreciation goes a long way. And, when she's stubbornly trying to be as self-sufficient as possible, I'll let her do her thing, but stand close by in case she does want my help. I hope that the future will see the past's desire to be self-sufficient, but will offer its help when necessary. It's the least we can do.

More subtle appreciations.

Things I Appreciate:

• The way your hands tingle slightly after washing them in really cold water.
• The way knowing something, after you've learned it just for the sake of learning it, makes you feel.
• The sound of the pick hitting a string in a song that you listen to often, especially if you just noticed it after your five thousandth time playing it.
• How when you take a really deep, slow, diaphragmatic breath, sometimes you get a really sudden shiver.
• The way fiber-optic bushes look as they change colors after you relax your eyes slightly so that your vision blurs.
  

Not-so-subtle appreciations.

Things I Appreciate:

• The sound of cloth tearing.
• The sound of a fire crackling.
• The smell of a cold, crisp winter night.
• The patterns of clouds and light in the sky, any time, every time.
• Properly pronounced Latin, Greek, and Sanskrit.

On taking things personally

Okay, I'm starting to make up for (as of today) nine posts. That leaves us two weeks worth, two weekend "appreciation" posts, and one for today. Here goes.

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A practical piece of advice: don't take anything personally. Really, think about it. Everything that happens to us in our day-to-day lives is important. We live for the small moments, and we try not to think about how much time we may have left too often. Not to say it doesn't cross our thoughts, but we look at its significance and then we shoo it aside for the time being. And, when we work long hours, after studying for years, we get to a point where we can barely sense the time going by. We take our joys where we can, perhaps due to a smile from the mailman, or the courtesy of the woman in front of you in the checkout line who let you go in front of her because she only had five items and you had sixteen, and she wasn't in a rush.

I guess it's only natural that if we do that, then we would also have a propensity to think largely of the small things that make us irate. After all, we like universal laws, don't we? It's easy to have a rule apply all across the board, and it's easier to keep track of things that way, without worrying about exceptions. Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that we are hypocrites, each and every one of us. Whether it's because we're rich, so we shouldn't have to pay the government (though the poor have to), or if it's because we're angry and the lady to our right cut us off, so we can flip her off (even though if we cut someone off, we flip them off for being slow).

The trick is to use that hypocrisy in our favor. We need to skew the scale of the things we find important. Something important that I learned in various philosophy classes was that if you believe in something, take it to an extreme and see if it still applies. Because that's a good exercise, I'll do it here. On my deathbed, will I feel that the lady who cut me off this morning is a horrible person who made me angry? Will I even remember that? Will I remember the kind act of the woman in the checkout line?

Back to taking things personally... Why do we do it? I distinctly see two sides to this story. After all, it takes two to tango.

When we do bad things, we have our reasons. We're in a rush and the other is taking his sweet time, and we can't put up with it because hey, he should be considerate to others. Couple that with a horribly angry boss back at the office, and an irate wife at home to whom you said you'd be home on time (and here it is, an hour and a half later), you have just cause for tension and anxiety, and even downright anger. And, this guy just happens to be in front of us now, and so why not overtake him with the bird flapping about? The perversity here has nothing to do with what we do here, but mostly with how when someone does it to us, we see it as a direct attack on us, rather than remember we do that sort of thing ourselves. Perhaps not exactly the same way, but yes. And you know, it's also perverse because it truly is easier to think that this person we don't know at all happens to know we're in a rush and is being slow on purpose, so he deserves the insult, rather than try to let it go. Those who remember the days of gigantic flame wars will know exactly how this pans out on a larger scale. We take this to heart and we don't forget about it.

The other side is that when good things happen, we tend to question. In the words of Dan Le Sac, "Thou shalt not think any male over the age of thirty that plays with a child that is not their own is a peadophile. Some people are just nice." (Courtesy of Youtube, video here: Thou Shalt Always Kill.) Now, yes, there are people with ulterior motives, but honestly, with simple gestures, we don't need to be suspicious. We should be appreciative, and return the favor ourselves. Instead, we tend to disregard those acts, because... Because, partially, we don't understand where they're coming from, and partially because we can't remember the good days we have that cause us to do nice things. And we do do nice things on occasion.

Here is where we need to adjust the hypocrisy again. We should be in favor of good things happening to us, and take them for what they are. A hedonistic stance, perhaps, but one that makes sense to almost everyone.

Think about it, take a second.

Ding!

Weekend Post

Sorry for the delay. I'm getting ready to go out of town to take care of some things, so I was busy. Also, expect subsequent posts to be after midweek, when I get back.

Things I Appreciate:

• The sound of a glass bottle shattering in an empty parking lot, and how the sound reverberates through the air afterwards.
• The feel of relaxing and defocusing your eyes while reading, after a long day of visual stimulation.
• The feel, and sound, of cracking a joint that just doesn't feel right. It's nice with knuckles, but really satisfying when it's in your elbow or lower back.
• The crispness of a really cold glass of ice water.
• That clicking sound that occurs, when you use a remote to lock your car. Not the one that results from the locks turning, but the one that's due to the turning signals going on and off.

That's about it for this weekend. Enjoy your upcoming week!

Weekend posts on things I appreciate.

I'm going to start a new habit of making a post on the weekends.

When I was in college (and it's so awkward for me to say that, since I've just graduated from Rutgers this past May), I took a psychology course called "Adult Development and Aging." It was taught by Dr. Deirdre Kramer, an amazing professor, who highlighted a lot of interesting points change that occur when we age. It was a really inspiring class, despite the fact that I only managed a C. Psychology's just one of those subjects wherein I don't test well.

One of the points she had brought up is that adults, in many ways, take their surrounding for granted. They don't take in much in the way of sensory experiences, at least not in the same way children do. As an example, she told us how many children walk down the hallway with their fingers up against the wall, feeling its texture. I remember doing that, and all of a sudden a felt a rush! She explained that children experience with their senses directly, and that if "older" people did that more often, they may feel more lighthearted, less burdened by stress, or just feel younger.

I started doing that from then on. In addition to taking in the usual sights and sounds, I started to experience things like texture, temperature, consistency, and taste/smell in a much more childlike manner.

I will post a short list every weekend on things I experienced that give me an intriguing satisfaction from said sensory experiences. Here's my list:

Things I Appreciate

• You know those little plastic creamer cups you get at diners with your coffee? Take one of them, and roll it between your thumb and forefinger, causing the little plastic vanes to bend inwards and click. That click, along with the minute snapping of the vanes, is really satisfying.
• The feeling (and sound, now that I think about it) of running your finger back and forth really quickly over something like canvas, or more preferably, those little cards you find that are semi-holographic, and have the plastic ridges. Mmm, yeah..
• The flavor of whole milk. For you skim milk drinkers (blech), it does not taste like cream. Have you ever had cream? Cream's much sweeter.
• The very satisfying crunch of a hard/crispy taco, before it breaks in half at the bottom.
• The feeling in your forehead resulting from humming at low pitches. Or, better yet, the feeling in your neck from fricating your alveolar sibilant (saying "zzzzz").

Thank you. This has been, "Things I appreciate." I hope you try these yourself!